I am so glad you have a loving husband there with you! I had to take a little while to read all the posts this morning. I felt like crying too and had to stop for a while. There is something in the air here. We have so much pain, yet so much love to give. I am wishing you all the best. All of you.
I was only shunned by my mom for a few months, and even though we were never close, it hurt like hell. I used to cry myself to sleep after my grandpa died for several years. Sometimes our thoughts and memories get the best of us in the dark with our heads on our pillows. Let it out. Process it. Enjoy your life. Accept your humanness and remember we love you. Things may one day change, and if not, you have been a loving daughter and tried your best. My sister has never been close to me either. I remember about 13 years ago, an elder gave me good advice. He said, after sharing his past painful experience, " You can't make people be your friends." I was dumbstruck thinking that this can even apply to family members. I have remembered that, and remind myself of it every time my kindness is met with hostility and arrogance from her.
No doubt your father loves you, seeing you have wonderful memories, and is hurting too. It is a fearful thing to be a jw and constantly worry about your standing with the organization. I hope you find a place of peace and treat yourself to a little self-love. I usually use shopping as my pick me up. Nothing big. Maybe a small pretty item from a boutique, or lunch out with a good book. Always be good to yourself and say positive things about yourself in your head. No negativity allowed. I know, easier said than done. But taking care of yourself (you mentioned exercising) and tender thoughts to yourself, like you would give to your loved ones, will help. I hope you are feeling comforted and happy today!
Hugs,
Kitten Whiskers
kitten whiskers
JoinedPosts by kitten whiskers
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32
Cried myself to sleep last night
by unique1 ini was laying in bed and trying to drift off to sleep.
all of a sudden i had a vision of my father building our dining room table.
we moved when i was four and this was at our old house so i must have been pretty young.
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kitten whiskers
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31
I GIVE UP!
by Stealth453 ini just came home from picking up my baby from school, and i see a brand new sign posted 4 doors from my house.. "building permit.
issued for the construction of a new kingdom hall of jehovah's witnesses".. i just can't seem to get away from them..
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kitten whiskers
You could rent out your lawn for extra Memorial parking!
You could put out a sign for free home bible studies.
Have "Armegeddon Sales" instead of garage sales!
Kitten Whiskers -
38
The Sh** has hit the fan.....
by ex-nj-jw inmom called me, she got my letter.
yeah you guessed it, i am the devil himself.
she told me to never again speak to her, because i'm evil and satan has taken over my mind, body and any common sense she ever gave me .
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kitten whiskers
OW! That hurt!
You are not crazy. You are not evil. You are not the devil, even if you wake up in the morning with bedhead horns! (Hubby gets these all the time! LOl!)
You ARE: LOVING, NUTURING, CARING, SELFSACRIFICING, SWEET, LOVABLE, STRONG, COURAGEOUS AND TOO MANY OTHER SUPER GREAT THINGS TO LIST!
Your family on the other hand...UGH! Your mom sounds like she's going off the deep end. She will probably feel she has the right to contact you with anything she wants even though she is telling you to go fly a kite. She is playing the jw game. I think it is hard for those of us who have such controling mothers. It makes Marie off of "Everybody Loves Raymond" seem pretty great!!! You are doing a great job with your family (your husband and children). It is wonderful to know that we are giving our children something our hearts aren't getting.
Now, go hug those boys and feel the love! You are loved even here!
Kitten Whiskers -
27
Suddenly and inexplicably enraged
by katiekitten inmy mum showed me this e-mail her jw friend had sent her last week.. in it the friend explained how wonderful the magazines are and how they provide food at the proper time because they had recently had an article in about ' being prepared for the unexpected'.
the article had told them to have a bag packed with emergency stuff in case they ever needed to leave the house in a hurry.
so they were told to pack dried food, a wallet with important documents in, waterproof clothing etc.. now this, it seems, was pretty relevant because i live in gloucester where were had terrible floods a few weeks ago, and some peoples houses were flooded out, the entire city had its water cut off for a fortnight because the pumping station flooded, and most work places were unable to allow staff in because they were not able to provide flushing toilets or running water.. so my mims friend was totally blown away by how jehovah is so clever - although having dried food and your passport in a waterproof wallet did nothing to help you flush the toilet for a fortnight.. but - now heres to point of this long and rambling story - i suddenly got super angry about this article and its survivialist mentalilty.
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kitten whiskers
((KatieKitten))
Oh sweetie! I remember growing up then! I too was so scared and scarred! I remember the letter writing campaign and all the talk of the adults while your little ears heard things that made your eyes pop out of your head with fright!
Isn't it nice knowing we're not warping our kids with that fear? I come with a natural paranoia gene, this didn't help. LOL!
I must say, you were very creative to hide beans in your stuffed toys! A child should never have to live in fear like that. I am so sorry. I don't blame you one bit for being angry! The Society feeds paranoia and creates it. No doubt you were thinking of all the new little ones that were going to have overboard parents that scare the living daylights out of them. A flashback on your anxiety too.
Kitten Whiskers -
3
Jehovahs Witness Sketch from Episode of Black Books
by kimoko inblack books is one of mine and karls (kw13's) fav comedy series that used to be on channel 4 here in britian and i bought the box set last year.
what i am showing you is a funny little jw sketch in the first ep, i just found the little script on a website so i thought i would share :) ob it is funnier when its acted but hope you can appreciatre its greatness ^__^.
jehovah's witness 1: hello, we were wondering if we could talk to you about jesus.
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kitten whiskers
Kimoko!
I finally have put you and Kw13 together! How are you? I have been following kw's posts to see how you all are doing! We can hardly wait to hear the good news--that the baby is here and you can sleep on your stomach if you want to! (As one mom to another, I loved being able to roll over again!) Hope you are feeling well and happy over there! That was a cute skit you posted! Too true and funny! Being invited in always takes you off guard! Love to you and your little family,
Kitten Whiskers -
20
Just got off the phone with my mom and I feel weak from the emotions.
by kitten whiskers innothing major happened, i have just noticed that she doesn't say she loves me anymore.
i used to find it annoying.
i always felt like she only said it to guilt me into having to say that i loved her.
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kitten whiskers
Arthur: This really is a healing place! Thanks for listening. I am feeling much better now. Just typing it out and having someone care helps so much. I always am looking at this board and give a few comments. I figured it was time I opened up and shared a little with all of you my pain. I know I am not alone here. Thank you Simon for this board. It has helped so many to freedom in so many different areas of our lives!
I am off to bed now. I thank you all for taking the time to read and respond! Kitten Whiskers -
20
Just got off the phone with my mom and I feel weak from the emotions.
by kitten whiskers innothing major happened, i have just noticed that she doesn't say she loves me anymore.
i used to find it annoying.
i always felt like she only said it to guilt me into having to say that i loved her.
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kitten whiskers
Ex-nj-jw:
I just went back and read your threads. I have been following your story and can't believe that after what you've been through, I should have complained at all. You are a truly strong and loving person to reach out and comfort me when you are experiencing a horrible time right now. You are not only courageous, loving and sweet...you are a fighter! You get knocked down, but you get up again. (They're never gonna keep you down! That song is running through my head!!!) I love that you were able to laugh at your mother's insanity. I pictured you reading outside by the mailbox and could almost hear you laugh!
I can't wait to hear your next update. That was a horrible letter to endure, but I'm sure the picture of you was CUTE! Probably similar to one I took of my daughter at age 2 all dressed up for service holding a special campaign tract. It was her first official day of going door to door. Poor baby. I seriously wonder how much literature is actually being printed and sent to family that doesn't want it! We've gotten the new book from the district convention and several magazines and tracts from my in-laws. The fear that the organization holds over jw's with armageddon is their version of hell and fire and brimstone! It is a religion based on fear. She is dealing with her own eventual death that was never supposed to happen, and scared to a near nervous breakdown probably. It really is a wonder we aren't all in the funny farm. I seriously felt like I was going to lose it going through the process of leaving. So much fear and uncertainty. It takes a strong person to leave of their own free will. I am so proud of you taking the steps you did at such a young and vulnerable time of your life. Your son can be nothing but proud of you and thankful his mother cared so much. If he doesn't see it now, he will later. You have courage and heart my dear. I am so glad you are happy.
(((ex)))Kitten Whiskers -
20
Just got off the phone with my mom and I feel weak from the emotions.
by kitten whiskers innothing major happened, i have just noticed that she doesn't say she loves me anymore.
i used to find it annoying.
i always felt like she only said it to guilt me into having to say that i loved her.
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kitten whiskers
Thanks all of you!
Hortensia: Thank you for the kind words of encouragement and the hope for the future of my little family.
Madame Quixote: I am so sorry. I know your pain. My sister and I were never close. We are the only two children. I have told her a few times I love you, and she responded with "uh-huh." I think you are right. She has issues. I know there is an anger strain in our DNA that I inherited too. I had problems with getting stressed and depressed all the time. My medication has changed that. I am not different, I just don't go into stress overload like I used to. If she had gotten medication when I was little maybe things would be different. I don't know. She had me when she was twenty. So young herself. Thank you for saying her actions were never about me. That helps a lot.
ex-nj-jw: I think I remember your story. Didn't you move in with your girlfriend's family for a year? If that was you, wow. You really impressed me. I can't believe how much courage you had at such a young age. My heart went out to you as I read your experience. I will look it up again. I absolutely love that your babies still love on you! That was always my dream. I envisioned 3 or 4 boys loving their mama when they were growing into young men. I got one boy and one girl. The best of both worlds. My little guy loves to cuddle and I am sure one day his wife will thank me! So will your daughters-in-law! My mother-in-law always said how much my hubby loved to cuddle and touch her skin when he was little-that has been an added perk for me! wink, wink! Congratulations on your success!
Twitch: Thank you. I will take pride in that. I do believe they will be very good people. I want them to love each other too when they are grown and always emphasize how they are the only siblings they have and we must always be there for each other and love one another. The oldest is able to see the destructiveness of the cult. I don't hide things from her, I try to protect them both, but I gently have conversations with her about why certain people aren't talking to us and how that isn't what we should do. It was very hard on her when my mother wouldn't come into our house. She didn't understand what was going on completely, but over the months, we have talked gently about it and honestly. I don't want them to be brainwashed and scared to death by their grandparents later. I figure our conversations are now laying a foundation for their defenses to go up if they ever try.
Thanks again for taking the time to read and respond. I really don't try to let this get to me. I just have noticed that she doesn't do this anymore. I have tried to turn my emotions off to her for a long time. I guess it's something we are just born with. That connective desire. Thank you for the hugs too. I really needed them.
((((all)))) Kitten Whiskers -
14
Grrr Mother in law strikes again
by KW13 inlast night megan was having what appeared to be labour again, so while i was upstairs megans mum said 'are you sure you want karl in the labour room with you, i can be there' just because she wants her to get the experience.
fortunately for her i was told about this while i was out because i'd of seriously lost it, i was angry but mostly hurt and upset.
wtf is that all about?
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kitten whiskers
Oh I am so sorry! You make sure you're there for Megan! I was so glad my hubby was there. He was the only one I wanted. I didn't even want anyone in the waiting room! I always feel pressure to entertain and make others comfortable. This was one time I didn't want to worry about keeping anyone there for hours and not performing a quick birth. It is a most personal and sacred occasion.
I don't know much about your mother-in-law, I am just hoping that because you are so young ( I am assuming Megan is too) that she is worried about her baby having a baby. I can only imagine how scary it must be to worry about your child going through labor. I hope it isn't just that she wants to be a glory hog! Don't let her push you out of your rightful place. Father's today are different from 20 years ago. It is natural for people to expect the father in the delivery room now. We've come a long way baby!
Kitten Whiskers (of the excited to see new baby KW pictures class!) -
20
Just got off the phone with my mom and I feel weak from the emotions.
by kitten whiskers innothing major happened, i have just noticed that she doesn't say she loves me anymore.
i used to find it annoying.
i always felt like she only said it to guilt me into having to say that i loved her.
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kitten whiskers
Nothing major happened, I have just noticed that she doesn't say she loves me anymore. I used to find it annoying. I always felt like she only said it to guilt me into having to say that I loved her. She never really showed or acted like she did while I was growing up. She used to say some pretty hurtful and mean things to me. Even when I was doing everything I could as a jw teenager, pioneering and being a good girl, she would then act jealous and it would show. She was mean no matter.
When I didn't know what to do with my life because paradise wasn't here like promised, I had never given any thought to a career and snubbed my nose at the idea of even a technical college...she would tell me to get a life. She would say that when I was gone, the house was so much nicer. It was just her and dad. Her best friend, my bestfriend's mom would tell me, "She doesn't mean it. She's gonna miss you when you are gone." I would think, "Yeah. Right. She's never going to wish I was around." I seriously thought of dying so many times. If it wasn't for my love of Jehovah and grandma I just might have driven into a bridge on my way home from work. I hated going home.
Thankfully I met the man of my dreams "in the truth" and we married. He really swept me off my feet. I was lucky to find him! My grandma says it's the only good thing that came out of the two of us being witnesses! We were able to find each other.
Here I am 11 years later. Happy, free and married with children of my own. We always tell each other we love each other and give lots of hugs and kisses to each other. I never knew children would want to hug and snuggle with their mother so much! I don't remember ever feeling this way about my mother. I just remember the expected kiss when we left for school and a kiss goodnight before bed. A habit that was expected of us and we performed. But my kids actually want to kiss me and do it on their own. I am lucky I know. I constantly think of how blessed I am. But, I wish I had that relationship with my mother. I am happy I can give that to our kids. But I miss it.
Earlier this year, while visiting us for several days, my mother decided to shun me. She sat in her motorhome in my driveway ignoring me and hubby and not entering our home. My dad is not a jw and he visited with us. But it was enough to kill me. I was a prisoner in my house and couldn't stand being there because she was sitting in my driveway shunning me. She didn't even look at me when they pulled away to continue their trip. She cut me off for about 3 months. My dad would call and talk to me. But she wouldn't say a word. Then while we were up at my grandma's during a family crisis, she started talking to me. She said she decided she could talk to us. (Probably because we're not officially disfellowshipped or disassociated). It has been 4 months. She will talk on the phone and we actually stayed with my parents during vacation. She acts civil and speaks to me. She doesn't try to change my mind about what I believe now, but she doesn't say she loves me at all. I know this is more than a lot of you out there have right now. I know some of you had very close relationships with your parents and mourn the loss of them. I guess I am mourning the absence of one at all. Thanks for reading my pity party of one. I just needed someone to talk to . Thank you for listening.
Kitten Whiskers